Lady Jane Tanquery, drink in hand, smiles as she reads the text message from her friend Angela. Lady Jane's calls to her source at British Airways have worked. Ange and Phil will not be leaving for Jersey, but instead will have to stay on the mainland and therefore be free to celebrate the birthday of the Dowager Duchess of Staines-Upon-Thames and Patron of the Surrey Constabulary (Lady Jane's mother).
When you are summoned to attend the birthday of the Dowager, you make haste. We should have known that when we were initially invited. You face the consequences otherwise.
The Dowager lives on a rather modest estate at the end of a close in the town of Staines-Upon-Thames. Staines was first settled when the Roman emperor Claudius invaded Britain in the year 43 AD. In 1215, the barons assembled at Staines before meeting King John at Runnymede, and Sir Thomas More was tried in 1535.
The Dowager Duchess has lived here since the mid-1970s, and despite the many tales about her that we were made privy to during our lunch, has not been chased out by the local townfolk. In fact, given the quality of the people in attendance at today's lunch, it is quite evident she is held in high esteem. However, one may wonder if that has at least a small bit to do with her closeness with the local police force, where she regularly volunteers her time as well as her rather remarkably keen understanding of the underbelly of society and its undertakings.
We also got the opportunity to finally meet Lord Robert of Putney. Lord Robert is currently a coach living in residence at the esteemed Putney Rowing Club and was the coach of the British team at the Rio Olympics. Lord Robert told us of the wonderful time he had in Toronto on a visit there, where he was a guest of The Royal Canadian Military Institute on University Avenue. He regaled us with his many stories, and told us how well he had been treated in Canada. (To my fellow Canadians: Do not worry; I did advise him that as Canadians, we treat all our guests equally well. I think I heard him mutter something like "bloody colonialists"after this, but I can't be certain.)
I am afraid I had to sign a non-disclosure waiver on entry to the soiree, so cannot share any details of what I discovered this day. Suffice it to say, no matter what end of the "class" spectrum we may find ourselves, we're all capable of getting up to fairly similar shenanigans.
On what I have been asked to assure you is a completely unrelated note, watch for future episodes of the much-anticipated BBC sitcom, "Up Yours, Chief Inspector," which is not at all related to the Dowager despite any obvious similarities.
It was an uproarious day, the kind where you almost are sore from laughing so much, and a fitting send-off for our trip. We started this adventure with Lady Jane waiting for us with drinks in hand at Heathrow airport way back in September, and we end it with her dropping us back off there ... and of course, more tears (the jet fumes).
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